About self-respect in 2020

She storms into the office like a hurricane wind while saying 'I hate all men, all men are liars, I hate them all'. Her voice is full of anger and rage. She is more annoyed with herself that she let herself to be in this position. Her trusted friend (another woman) agrees with her and looks at her with sadness and slight shock. I am the only guy in the room, I am wondering should I speak among these two women who are going through 'I hate all men' mood or just be quiet and carry on with my work. I can’t help but listen as we all share an office in a small windowless room.

The women

She is older among the two women. She is married with three kids. Her face shows her age. She speaks with a northern accent, her voice is calm, matured, that of a late 30s early 40s. She is someone who seems to have been through what her younger friend is going through now. The angry girl is in her early 20s, she speaks quickly and always in a rush as younger people are these days. She seems not experienced in life or maybe it’s due to lack of having any role model in her life. She is one of the thousands of young women you see in everyday life. Her eyes and head are full of dreams and ideas, without really understanding what they are. She thinks she is an independent, strong feminist woman of tomorrow. However, she carries deep-rooted mental scars and emotions which are all bearing on her like an overloaded donkey which struggles to breath and move. It seems drama follows her wherever she goes, I think maybe she likes all these dramas.


Our young protagonist is unlucky in love. I don’t know if I should use those words ‘unlucky in love’ but that’s a different story. She longs for a man who is a mash-up of Disney prince charming with Hollywood rom-com film male lead. In other words, I don’t think she knows what she wants. To find Mr Right like many other young men and women, she resorts to using social media. She is a veteran of using countless dating apps and other social media. That girl is an expert in communicating with multiple men at the same time and she knows within 2 seconds if she should swipe right or left when faced with an army of men. Her choice of poison, in this case, is Instagram. She begins by saying to her work BFF it all started 3 days ago. She received a message from a young man who liked one of her Instagram photos. Every like she gets on her photo - it gives her a kick. She likes to be desired and wanting. Only a 'like' makes her feel confident.

She says to her friend, she was having banter with this random guy and that she was the first to start a conversation. The conversation developed very quickly from ‘You look sexy’ to I like you and want to take you out on a date. She says he had a good vibe and they connected over the digital world. She liked the fact he was a freshly graduated doctor, had his own rented flat. It amazes me even in 2020 women still value a guy who has resources over a guy who hasn’t. Hate it as much as you want, but nature has wired girls mind to look for resources. The guy’s mind is also wired, however, that’s a different story. After exchanging many online messages, emojis, gifs, private photos a date was set.

The date

She was excited and was talking about her date for a week in advance. She got a new outfit after going through a million different outfit choices and spending her last bit of overdraft money on one. Even though she isn’t fully satisfied with her choice, but she will stick with this one as her friends have said it’s the latest trend and shows a lot of flesh. She spent hours getting ready, getting her hair done, nails done, and everything else done. She replays all those conversations which she has had with this guy over and over in her head; all these false promises which guys make, she soaks them up like a sponge. She is on a roller coaster of highs and lows one minute she thinks it will be the best and the next minute she thinks it will be the worst date ever. I am also aware guys will behave in a certain way before a date, but our subject is different today. While she is doing her final touches of highlighter, her phone beeps. She receives a message from her date. He says that he has been working long hours at the hospital and he can't take her out, however, she can come to his flat. He feels a night in would be perfect. She agrees as most young girls would. Besides, it’s perfectly ok to go to a stranger house when you have swapped messages, emoji, gifs, photos over the social media. She agrees and goes to his flat. It ends with the walk of shame and I am sure you are all aware of what this entails.

The morning after

Her voice breaks and she says to her work friend ‘Uber took me home and he blocked me on Instagram’. The older woman tries to comfort her but being from a different generation she still can't understand how can young girls meet up with strangers so easily. What confuses me more is that she thought meeting up with a stranger is the bad thing, not the whole event. I wonder if she would let her daughter go through the same event and unfortunately, I think she would.

I listen more and then it hits me, she isn’t angry that she made all this effort for a guy, and the guy just used her as a piece of cheap meat, She isn’t angry that he lied to her and played her and manipulated her, she isn’t angry that she couldn’t see through all his lies and let herself be used so cheaply. What she is angry about, is the fact that he has blocked her on Instagram.

I started to wonder why he blocked her on Instagram. There could have been many reasons but the one which comes to my mind is that he just acting out his animal impulses. He doesn’t need her anymore, so he blocked her. You see, all men and women, on a fundamental level, are animals. The same way a pig or a dog is. What makes a man or a woman a human is when they can control these animal impulses. Don’t get me wrong, what the guy has done is wrong, he shouldn’t have treated the girl this way. This is not the way how a man should carry himself. The more self-control a guy has over him the more of a human he becomes.

Final thoughts

It’s easy to blame the girl or the guy in our story. Media plays a large role too. Young girls and guys are bombarded with messages of how promiscuous you should be. If you are not promiscuous then something is wrong with you. Nobody wants to be the forty-year-old virgin, but if you think about it, maybe that’s what we really need to be in 2020. I am not preaching here, it’s your life and you can do what you want, however, what I do say is that men and women need to re-centre their moral compass. If you don’t have one, then get it ASAP. Make sure it's not something influenced by the media, but it should be something which you are happy with, as an individual. It’s your life, don’t let the current trend direct you. See trends comes and goes your moral compass shouldn’t. Young men and women need to have more self-respect for there emotion, their body, inner spirit and their time. Young men and woman need to develop a strong character which can stand up to the force of media, peer pressure and say NO when you want to say NO. Finally, people need to control what is in between their legs. You should control it and not be controlled by it. If our protagonist controlled what is between her legs, had a strong character, and finally had a strong moral compass, then, I don’t think it would be Uber taking her home.


© 2018 by Lovers.