Unistada 1

Updated: Jan 17

He knows that I’m leaving him forever. I can tell by his eyes and the way he puts his head on my lap. They say cats have a sixth sense about this kind of stuff. And he did as well. I knew I will come back at some point, but for now, it seems like leaving this place forever. I told my parents that I’m ready to leave. I kissed my cat for the last time and put all suitcases into the car. My mother is unsettled since morning, I understand why, after all I’m her only daughter, only child, after I leave, she will not have anyone to talk to.


I’m leaving the car with a heavy heart, I exactly know what is going to happen after I check in my luggage at the airport. The goodbyes are the hardest when you don’t know whether you gonna see the other person ever again. Nobody cries when they say goodbye to the friend after the day at school, cause they know they will see them tomorrow. After that I see everything like through the fog. Kissing my mum, hugging my dad, and sobbing quietly. I’m trying not to look at them for too long, this makes me cry even more. I just want to get through security and cry in the toilet where nobody will see me.


Getting through the security with the red face from crying, I’m running to the toilet and turning on the ‘Fix me’ by Coldplay. For fuck sake. It’s a live version. How sad is my life? Getting on the plane. I even had a special playlist for a took off. I thought it was a start to a better, easier life. I didn’t know back then.

Anyway, I got off the plane, I had to sleep on the floor in the toilet cause I could just get into my rented room after 9am the next day. That was one of the hardest nights of my life. I know that people live through worse things than that every day. But it was the first night for me on my own, in the country I have never been before and where I didn’t know anyone. I was scared and lonely, but I hoped it’s gonna pay off someday.

9 am and I hear knocking on the door. I realized where I am. I’m in the toilet next to the rubbish bin full of baby nappies. ‘You need to leave, Miss’ somebody shouted. How the fuck did they know I’m a Miss, did they have cameras inside the toilet?! Never found that out. I said ‘ Okay, okay just give me a sec’. I had to wash my face after spending 7 hours on the stinky floor. ‘No, you need to leave NOW’ they shouted even louder. I opened the door and just took my luggage and left. Now I would have said something, back then I couldn’t stand up for myself. I was just a 19 years old kid. I didn’t know shit. So I left the toilet dragging my feet and trying not to collapse with 3 massive suitcases. I sat down, knowing that I need to wait in there 5 more hours before I can call a taxi. I don’t know what I was thinking at this moment, I know that all I wanted was a warm bed.


At 7 am I called a taxi, they told me I’m going to pay 40 to get to my house. I said okay. The taxi driver came and told me I woke him up. I even said sorry. I guess he was mad at me for this cause he charged me 80. Obviously, I didn’t say anything. I knew how my house looked like, saw it on Google View before. And it looked exactly the same in real life. I said thank you (even though you charged me 200% more), and that was a start of everything.

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