I got married 3 years ago and over the last three years, I have learnt a lot about what works and what doesn’t work in a relationship. Now I would say that all relationships are unique and different so what I am about to share with you all are my own experiences which worked for me. My goal is that maybe you will find something beneficial from this and use it if you wish to or maybe just have something to read during this lockdown period. So, let’s get started and discuss three things which we men should really focus and work on continually.
I used to hate talking and us men are not good at it. This is a general perception that men keep things in, but this is bad for our mental health. My wife helped me a lot to be open and how to share issues. I think the reason I couldn’t talk openly because I didn’t have that kind of person who could open me up and understand what I was feeling, till I met my wife. She is extremely patient, understanding and non-judgemental. These all help but at the same time men needs to have that willingness to open and start talking. I realised as I was talking more and sharing things it made my emotional baggage lighter. It’s like I have a bag full of stones and I am taking small stones out and throwing it out into the ocean. The bigger the subject the bigger the stone. The smaller the issue the smaller the stone. Talking not only helps with managing our mental health but also helped me bond with my wife more. See, when a man starts talking this also helps our partner. The way it helps them is that they stop thinking and wondering about things. Women, in general, are caring and they are the masters of thinking and analysing. They do this because they deeply care about the men in their life. So, make it a habit of talking to your partners, start with slow smaller items and gradually build it up. May have rules in place that when you share things with your partner, both of you will not judge each other, listen intensively, and don’t give an opinion unless asked for. I have learnt when someone talks, they just want to be listened to. If they wanted an opinion, they will ask you for it. Through talking, you and your partner will get closer, stronger and nurture love. Finally, whatever you and your partner talk about it’s strictly between you two and shouldn't be shared with a third person without the permission of the other person. To talk effectively, you need to learn how to listen.
Listen up men
I have learnt to listen only when I got married. Listening really means listening. This means us men need to keep our mouth shut, focus and don’t interrupt. Our instinct is we always propose solutions. Generally, men are hard-wired to propose solutions we do not mean anything bad by this but it’s in our instinct. Us men need to curb this. Have you ever seen two women talking, when one talks the other listens and relates? Us men need to learn this and implement it. This will improve our communication skills. This will also ripe benefit in your relationship. Our partner doesn't need us just to listen to them but also to understand them. Think back how many times she listens to you when you talk to her about issues, so can we not do the same in return? Maybe turning that football game off or the Xbox off, turn to her, give her your attention and listen to her. Older men would say just nod your head and put it in one ear and out by the other. I feel this is not the right approach. Men need to understand that this is our partner in your life, she is not some random person that you just nod and don’t register anything when she speaks. Is this the way we should be with her when she puts up with so many of our issues? I realise that part of being a man is to listen to everything which our loved one says to us, from the boring subjects to the football debates. I realised that only a successful man can listen and make the speaker feel special just by listening to them regardless of their topics. I am still learning this. To do the above two, you need patience.
Patience is a virtue which you should strive for
If there is one thing, I need to highlight out of all quality then having patience will be right up there among others. This is one quality the more you have the more successful you will become. It’s extremely challenging to increase your level of patience. There are of course many ways to increase your patience example such as praying for patience, doing breathing exercises, taking it slow, being mindful of things which makes you impatient, stop resisting, take a step back when faced with situations, and many more, however, this blog is not about how to improve your patience level. Having a high level of patience will not only help you in your relationship but also in your life in general. Patience is one thing once you have it you need to strive more. I think for a man when it comes to cultivating more patience with our partner we should start at not criticising them, let go of control, look at yourself first and change yourself, be more positive with your partner, be more understanding, caring with them.
Having said that it’s not something which you can magically attain overnight. It takes time and effort. The important thing is that being aware of it and then start an honest conversation with yourself and your partner. I think this is something which we all can implement and strive to better ourselves. Lastly, I would like to say that I have generalised a lot here when talking about men beside I do think we ALL can do something about it all.