I got married 3 years ago and over the last three years, I have learnt a lot about what works and what doesn’t work in a relationship. Now I would say that all relationships are unique and different so what I am about to share with you all are my own experiences which worked for me. My goal is you give you something valuable to read and use or maybe just have something to read during this lockdown period. So, let’s get started and discuss three things which we men should really focus and work on continually.
I used to hate talking and we men are not good at it. This is a general perception that men keep things in, but this is bad for our mental health. My wife helped me a lot to be open and how to share issues. I think the reason I couldn’t talk openly was because I didn’t have that kind of person who could open me up and understand what I was feeling, till I met my wife. She is extremely patient, understanding and non-judgemental. These all help but at the same time men needs to have that willingness to open and start talking. I realised as I was talking more and sharing things it made my emotional baggage lighter. It’s like I have a bag full of stones and I am taking small stones out and throwing it out into the ocean. The bigger the subject the bigger the stone. Talking not only helps with managing our mental health but also helped me bond with my wife more. You see, when a man starts talking this also helps our partners. The way it helps them is that they stop thinking and wondering about things. Women, in general, are caring and they are the masters of thinking and analysing way better than men. They do this because they deeply care about the men in their life. So, make it a habit of talking to your partners, start with smaller items you feel ok about talking, and gradually build it up. May have rules in place that when you share things with your partner, both of you will not judge each other, listen intensively, and don’t give an opinion unless asked for. I have learnt when someone talks; they just want to be listened to. If they wanted an opinion, they will ask you for it. Through talking, you and your partner will get closer, stronger and nurture love. Finally, whatever you and your partner talk about it’s strictly between you two and shouldn't be shared with a third person without the permission of the other person, because this could damage your trust. And without trust there’s no honest conversation.
Listen up men
I have learnt how to listen only when I got married. Listening really means listening. This means us men need to keep our mouth shut, focus and don’t interrupt. Our instinct is we always propose solutions. Generally, men are hard-wired to propose solutions we do not mean anything bad by this but it’s in our instinct. We men need to curb this. Have you ever seen two women talking, when one talks the other listens and relates? We men need to learn this and implement it. This will improve our communication skills. This wills also benefit your relationship. Our partner doesn't need us just to listen to them but also to understand them. Think back how many times she listens to you when you talk to her about issues, so can we not do the same in return? Maybe turning that football game off or the Xbox off, turn to her, give her your attention and listen to her. Older men would say just nod your head and put it in one ear and out by the other. I feel this is not the right approach. Men need to understand that this is our partner in your life; she is not some random person that you just nod and don’t register anything when she speaks. Is this the way we should be with her when she puts up with so many of our issues? I realise that part of being a man is to listen to everything which our loved one says to us, from the boring subjects to the football debates. I realised that only a successful man can listen and make the speaker feel special just by listening to them regardless of their topics. I am still learning this. To do the above two, you need patience.
Patience is a virtue which you should strive for
If there is one thing, I need to highlight out of all quality then having patience will be right up there among others. This is one quality the more you have the more successful you will become. It’s extremely challenging to increase your level of patience. There are of course many ways to increase your patience example such as praying for patience, doing breathing exercises, taking it slow, being mindful of things which makes you impatient, stop resisting, take a step back when faced with situations, and many more, however, this blog is not about how to improve your patience level. Having a high level of patience will not only help you in your relationship but also in your life in general. Patience is one thing once you have it you need to strive more. I think for a man when it comes to cultivating more patience with our partner we should start at not criticising them, let go of control, look at yourself first and change yourself, be more positive with your partner, be more understanding, caring with them.
Having the above three in a man and also in a woman would greatly help in any relationship. It is important that both of you wish to have these characteristics in your relationship as well as in your characters. Both need to realise that it’s not something which you can magically attain overnight. It takes time and effort. The important thing is that, being aware of it and then start an honest conversation with yourself and your partner. Creating a positive setting like cutting out all the noise, all the distractions, when you both are relaxed, and properly rested and don’t have other thoughts going around your head only then you two should attempt to talk. Maybe you could start by reminiscing the old days of when you two started dating. When you two shared a positive moment. May get some old photos out of you two smiling and doing something fun. The point here is to create a positive energy and environment so laughter is a key. It’s also important to let this feeling grow organically without a plan. I won’t recommend approaching this like a work meeting with agenda etc. That’s the worst thing to do. We need to put away our work head at the door and have the head of this is the woman of my dream I want to date and make a positive moment with her. I strongly think no relationship is perfect and every relationship needs effort and work same like everything else in this life. I would like to say that I have generalised a lot here when talking about men and sure there are exception to this rule. I hope that this lockdown will give you all an opportunity to get back to the basics of that very first day you met each other and start again. I know I do every morning I see my wife's sleepy face I thank God for giving me such a perfect wife who I am in madly love with and pray that we will carry on like this going strength to strength.